At the centre of the universe, there is a tree. A gigantic tree. 

This tree has all the usual things you might expect to find on a tree. It has leaves but instead of a predictable green colour, these leaves glow a rainbow of different colours. It has fruit and berries, but instead of limiting itself to one type, this tree has bananas and apples, pears, blueberries, walnuts, and even the often overlooked papaya.

The tree’s name is Yggdrasil, but that is kind of hard to say, so we’ll just call it the World Tree.

However this tree also has things you would not expect to find on a tree. Like Realms, for example. Different worlds hanging off the branches. There were nine of them, in fact, all of them very unique from each other.

You have your icy cold realm, your fiery hot realm, your realm full of dead people, and the realm with all the humans in it called Midgard. This is the one you’re probably most familiar with. If this is not the case then you must have a very interesting story to tell, but that will have to wait until after this one, because this is the story of a creature that lives on the World Tree itself. 

Because when there are trees, of any size, squirrels aren’t far behind.

Ratatoskr was his name, and he made his home halfway up the World Tree. Ratatoskr the squirrel would spend his days clambering through the branches of the World Tree, snacking on all the nuts and berries. At bed time, he would slip into his little home and wrap himself in his tail and sleep in until noon the next day.

Ratatoskr was not the only animal that lived on the tree, though. There were four stags, representing the different seasons, though they’re not very important to this story and will only be mentioned one more time, then never again.

One day when Ratatoskr was lounging on a branch and throwing berries into his mouth, one of the more important animals came to visit.

“Greetings, Squirrel,” Hræsvelgr the Eagle said as she landed on a branch. 

“My name is not squirrel, I am Ratatoskr,” Ratatoskr said.

The eagle ruffled her feathers and pointed her beak at the squirrel. “Very well, I have a favour to ask of you, Ratatoskr.”

Ratatoskr groaned. This wasn’t going to be fun.

“I would like to have a better sense of community amongst the animals of Yggdrasil,” she said. “I have a good relationship with the stags and I’m quite familiar with you as well.”

“Unfortunately,” Ratatoskr muttered. Man, the eagle was annoying. Couldn’t she see that Ratatoskr was very busy eating berries? 

“However, I am unable to talk to the dragon at the bottom of the tree myself,” Hræsvelgr continued. “The roots of the tree are too compact for me to get through.”

“Oh well, what a pity.”

“But that is where you come in Ratatoskr. You can slip through the roots easily, so I’d like you to deliver a message for me.”

“Awww, I’d love to help, but I’m very busy right now,” Ratatoskr said.

“Ratatoskr,” Hræsvelgr said sternly.

“Ok, ok. Fine.”

“Excellent,” the eagle said. “Now here is my message I’d like you to deliver to the dragon.”

***

Some time later, Ratatoskr was climbing down the trunk of the World Tree grumbling to himself. The eagle had talked for so long. She went on and on about community and the World Tree and neighbourliness. It was a miracle Ratatoskr managed to stay awake for all of it. 

When he reached the bottom of the tree, Ratatoskr squeezed his little body in between the roots. 

The dragon, who went by the name Nidhogg, was a large beast covered in black scales. He nestled his serpentine body in the roots of the tree and used his sharp teeth to chomp on the tree roots.

Nidhogg opened one reptilian eye and stared at the newcomer to his lair. “Ah. If it isn’t the annoying squirrel.” 

“I am not a squirrel. I am Ratatoskr,” he said, then after a short pause, “and I’m not annoying either.”

“Whether you’re annoying or not is for others to decide. Well, what is it that you want? Nidhogg said..

“I have a message from the Eagle at the top of the tree for you,” 

“Oh, really? What is this message?” Nidhogg asked curiously.

“Mmmmmh,” Ratatoskr said scratching his little ears. What exactly had she said again? The message was so long and boring. He couldn’t quite remember how it started.

“Hurry up,” Nidhogg said.

“Hold on, lizard breath. I’m thinking,” Ratatoskr snapped.

“Lizard breath!” Nidhogg roared. “How dare she call me that? I didn’t do anything to deserve such name-calling.”

“No, she didn’t” Ratatoskr said, but Nidhogg was too busy blowing smoke from his nostrils in anger to listen. 

“Tell the Eagle that I do not appreciate being called names like that. I’d be willing to forget and forgive if she apologises.” 

“Oh, ok,” Ratatoskr said. “I’ll go deliver this message to the eagle.” 

He thought about clearing up the mistake, but seeing the dragon get so angry was rather amusing. The mischievous critter scrambled out of the roots of the tree and began to climb its trunk yet again, unaware of the events his little bit of fun had just put in motion. 

“And then Nidhogg said, ‘Why are you wasting my time with a boring, long-winded message from that bird brain?’” Ratatoskr finished. He might have added some of his own words into the dragon’s message just for fun.

Hræsvelgr flapped her wings in outrage. “The nerve of that dragon. I offered a neighbourly message, and that’s how he responded? Outrageous!”

Ratatoskr giggled into his little paw. 

“Please go tell Nidhogg, that I am willing to overlook his rudeness and once again offer him an olive branch.” 

“Ok, will do.”

“And then she said that she is glad you spend all your days sulking under the tree so she doesn’t have to look at your ugly mug,” Ratatoskr told Nidhogg.

“RAAAAARRAAA! WHY YOU!” Nidhogg roared. “Tell her that if she doesn’t stop insulting me, I will be very angry.”

“…and then he said that he’d come up here and eat you himself, but listening to you talk as he eats you would probably just send him to sleep because you’re so boring,” Ratatoskr said. “And how do you pronounce your name anyway? Couldn’t you have picked something less tongue twisty?”

“Oh, by my feathers, that dragon has such a disrespectful attitude,” Hræsvelgr huffed.

Ratatoskr waited for the Eagle’s response, already thinking up fake insults he could relay to Nidhogg. He hadn’t had this much fun in a while.

“You know what?” Hræsvelgr said after a moment of thinking.

“Yesss?” Ratatoskr’s ears twitched in anticipation.

“I don’t need to stay here and listen to that nasty dragon’s insults. I’m going on holiday. Maybe when I get back, he’ll have curbed his attitude.” 

“Wait, what?” Ratatoskr said.

“Farewell, Ratatoskr,” Hræsvelgr said, and with one flap of her mighty wings took off and flew away from the World Tree.

“Oh, ok then,” Ratatoskr said. Well, since he was already making up insults, he guessed he could always just pretend to deliver them to the eagle.

“And The Eagle said that she doesn’t want to be neighbours with an overgrown lizard that stinks of brimstone,” Ratatoskr said.

“RAAAAGGGGRRR,” Nidhogg roared. “That’s it. I’m done listening to that annoying eagle’s insults.” The dragon slashed out with its claws breaking through the roots that surrounded him. “I’m leaving, and if that eagle comes close to me I will eat her.” He shouted before stomping off.

“Well, that was fun while it lasted,” Ratatoskr said.

***

A few days later, Ratatoskr was lounging on his favourite branch, napping the day away. The World Tree had been very quiet since the eagle and the dragon had left, leaving Ratatoskr all the time he needed to nap and sleep and doze. He was just debating whether it was worth getting up to get a snack when he heard a noise. He lazily opened one eye to see what was happening, then yelped.

There was a man standing at the end of his branch. He wore an old black travelling cloak. He had a snow-white beard and long hair that was tucked underneath a woolly hat. However, his most notable feature was the eyepatch that covered one eye.

“Who are you?” Ratatoskr asked.

“Now that’s an interesting question,” the stranger said. “I go by many names, I have been called a king, and a beggar, a wanderer and a settler, I am the master of ravens and the seeker of knowledge, but you might know me as a different name.” The stranger looked Ratatoskr in the eyes. “I am Odin, All-father.” 

“Odin, like THE Odin,” Ratatoskr said, his fur standing on end.

“Do you know of any other Odins? I ask because if you did, I can imagine that they would make for great conversation.”

Ratatoskr swallowed nervously. “Why are you here?”

“Well, I often come to the Yggdrasil when I can get away from Asgard,” Odin said. “I like to wander through the branches, pondering the mysteries of the universe, but on my latest walk, I noticed something different about the tree. It appears that Nidhogg and Hræsvelgr are no longer amongst its branches.”

Ratatoskr did his best impression of an innocent squirrel.

“At first, I wasn’t worried, as I’m sure they would return in time, but that time has passed and there’s no sign of them. So now we have a problem.”

“Mmmmh Yes, that does sound like a problem. I wonder what happened to them,” 

“You’re wondering about a question you already know the answer to,” Odin said. “Was it not you who drove them away by giving them false messages from each other for your own amusement?”

“What? How do you know about that?” Ratatoskr asked, shocked.

“I am Odin. I know everything,” 

“Okay, yeah, I did do that. I played a little prank on them, and they went away. What’s the big deal?” 

“I shall tell you the big deal, Ratatoskr,” Odin said. “You see, Nidhogg and Hræsvelgr both perform a vital service to the World Tree. Nidhogg the Dragon chewed on its roots, making sure they didn’t get too long, and Hræsvelgr ate the leaves at the top of the tree, making sure the branches wouldn’t get too heavy. Yggdrasil holds all the nine realms and if the tree is allowed to grow out of control, that could put the balance of the realms in jeopardy, they could fall off into the void or even ram into each other most undesirable outcome.

“Wow, I had no idea the Dragon, and the Eagle have such important jobs,” Ratatoskr said. 

“Yes, well, that’s probably because you assumed everyone is as lazy as you are.” 

“Hey, I’m not lazy.”

Odin didn’t bother responding to that and said, “So Ratatoskr, how are you going to fix this?”

“ME?”

“It’s your fault that this is happening, Ratatoskr, so I think you’re the one who should fix it.” 

“But I don’t know how to fix this.” 

“It’s quite simple. You need to go find the Dragon and the Eagle and convince them to come back here,” Odin said. “I believe Nidhogg is in Muspelheim, the realm of fire, and Hræsvelgr is in Helheim, the realm of the dead.”

“You expect me to go to two of the most dangerous realms by myself?” Ratatoskr asked. “I’ll get burnt into ashes or eaten by zombies, I’ll never make it out alive. They are no places for small creatures like me,” Ratatoskr said. 

Oden stroked his white beard thoughtfully. “Mmmmh, you have a point.”

Ratatoskr giggled to himself thinking he’d found an excuse not to go.

Odin plucked a small ring from his finger before handing it to Ratatoskr. “Here.”

Ratatoskr examined the golden ring. “What’s this?”

“That is Draupnir,” Odin explained. “A magical ring, it will help you on your journey. With its aid, I’m sure you can survive Muspelheim and Helheim.”

Ratatoskr grumbled to himself. The ring was a little too big for his tiny squirrel fingers so instead he put it on his head like a crown. Which did make him feel more important, but he still didn’t want to go.

“Are you really putting the fate of all the realms in my hands?” Ratatoskr said. 

“Oh, of course not,” Odin said. “If you don’t fix the problem, then I will step in and do it myself. I’m not about to let the realms suffer because of one squirrel’s foolishness.”

“Oh, ok then,” Ratatoskr said. Again, he thought they were in real trouble, but this was great to hear. He’d make a half-hearted attempt to fix the problem, then give up halfway through and let Odin deal with it.

“Oh, and if you’re thinking of making a half-hearted attempt to fix the problem before giving up and letting me deal with it, then there’s something I’d like to add.” Odin clicked his fingers.

There was a loud boom as thunder shook the World Tree and a bolt of electricity shot down to a branch near where Ratatoskr and Odin were standing.

Stepping out of the lightning came another man. He was tall and muscular and had a big beard of flaming red hair. “Hahahaha, yes that’s right folks, the god of thunder has arrived,” the man bellowed. “Thor is here!”

 The sound of cheering rose up and Ratatoskr turned to see a group of people had suddenly appeared on the tree, clapping and whooping for Thor.

“And that’s not all,” Thor said. “Because I also brought Mjolnir.” He held up his famous hammer which sparked with electricity. 

His fan club started that cheering and shouting even louder.

“Ah, they’re so noisy. Why does he have to be here?” Ratatoskr complained. 

But of course, Thor had to turn up. You can’t set a story in Norse mythology and not include him. It’s a rule or something.

Odin beckoned to Thor. Thor blew a few kisses to his fans before coming over.

“Yes, Father, is this the little squirrel I need to smash?” he asked. “I have never flattened one of those before. It should be fun”

“My name is not squirrel. I am Ratatoskr.”

“No, you’re gonna be a pancake,” Thor said, raising his hammer.

“Smash the squirrel! Smash the squirrel!” Thor’s fans cheered.

Ratatoskr’s eyes widened.

“No, my son, you may not flatten him yet,” Odin said. 

“Awwww,” Thor said, lowering his hammer.

“He has to try to fix his mistake first,” Odin said calmly. “And if he fails to do this, then you may strike him with your hammer.”

Ratatoskr gulped.

“Ha ha, very well then,” Thor said. “Me and Mjolnir will see you soon, and we will put on a great show.” 

“Thor! Thor! Thor!” his fans shouted.

Thor shot back with some finger guns. “Now, I need to practise my squirrel flattening technique.” There was another blast of lightning and suddenly Thor and his fans were gone.

Ratatoskr looked where they had stood in horror before turning back to Odin. “You’re really gonna let that blockhead flatten me if I don’t get the Dragon and the Eagle back?”

“Indeed. Think of it as a motivator,” Odin said. 

“But, but I…” Ratatoskr started to say.

“Now, now, you don’t have time to waste,” Odin said. “Hurry along.” 

“Fine, whatever,” Ratatoskr said. “I’ll go get the Eagle and the Dragon back. You’ll  see,.”

“Good luck,” Odin said.

Ratatoskr huffed and with a flick of his tail, scampered off down the World Tree.

A shadowy figure hiding in the branches watched as Ratatoskr climbed down. “So that’s the squirrel that stole my act? I’ll show him some real mischief. Hehehe.”

***

Ratatoskr scampered along the lower branches of the World Tree until he started to smell smoke.

The branch slowly became black and charred. The sky turned to a deep red colour. He had entered Muspelheim, the realm of fire.

All the parts of this realm that weren’t on fire were very sharp rocks. Hundreds of volcanoes spewed smoke into the air and rivers of lava flowed across the desolate landscape.

“Ugh, this place is so hot,” Ratatoskr complained wishing he could take off his fur coat. “I’m going to burst into flames in this heat. This is all the Dragon’s fault.”

He decided to make for the only building he could see. A giant castle dug into the side of a volcano.

He was only travelling for a bit before he came across a river of lava that blocked his path. It was too far to jump across and Ratatoskr couldn’t see any bridges, so he decided to give up and go home.

 Only to return thirty seconds later, remembering Thor.

He racked his squirrel brain, trying to come up with a way across the lava, even massaging his temples to get his thoughts flowing. His little paws brushed against the ring Odin had given him, and he took it off his head to inspect it. 

“And why does Odin think a ring is gonna help me out?” Ratatoskr said. “Come on, do something.” He shook the ring up and down trying to get it to activate its magic powers. 

Thunk!

Another ring fell out of the one Ratatoskr was holding. “Oh, great, now I have two useless rings instead of one,” he said. “Oh, wait this thing can duplicate itself. Mmmmh, I suppose that could be useful.” 

Ratatoskr proceeded to make copies of the ring over and over again till he had a big pile. He also found out he could shrink and grow the duplicates to any size he wanted. 

“Hope this works,” Ratatoskr said. He threw one of the rings into the lava and was happy to see it floated and it didn’t melt.  He hopped on top of it, balancing carefully before throwing another ring. Ratatoskr jumped from ring to ring till he made it across the burning river. He only nearly burned his tail three times.

“Made it. In your face, lava,” Ratatoskr laughed. The lava river did not respond. “This ring is pretty cool, after all.”

Ratatoskr reached the giant stone castle. Instead of knocking on the intimidating doors, he decided to slip in through one of the windows, being the rather rude squirrel that he was.

The castle seemed deserted at first until he heard a noise coming from the basement. Ratatoskr scampered down the stairs, where he found an absolutely massive forge. There was an anvil the size of a house and gigantic weapons hung on the walls.

Molten metal simmered in a tub at the other end of the room. Breathing fire into it at regular intervals was Nidhogg the Dragon.

“Found you,” Ratatoskr said, hopping up to him.

“Squirrel? You followed me here,” Nidhogg growled.

“My name is Ratatoskr, not Squirrel.”

Nidhogg grumbled. “So, did you come all this way just to continue bothering me?”

“No, I came to tell you to come back to the World Tree. You need to start gnawing at the roots again otherwise bad things will happen.” 

“No, I like it much better here. I have a new job, and my new Master is very generous, and if things get too bad, A-father will fix it. And besides I don’t want to go back to that tree with that stuck up Eagle.” 

“Oh, come on, she wasn’t that bad,” Ratatoskr said.

“She called me an overgrown worm with stumpy legs,” Nidhogg roared.

Ratatoskr suppressed a giggle.

“So no, I will not return to the World Tree and be anywhere close to Hræsvelgr.” 

“What if I told you that the Eagle didn’t say any of those insults?” Ratatoskr said.

“WHAT!”

“Yeah, she actually wanted to be friends with you and didn’t say any of those things,” Ratatoskr continued. “So now you can come back and be friends.”

“Wait, if she didn’t say those things, then who did?” 

“Mmmmmh,” Ratatoskr said, realising he might have made a mistake.

“IT WAS YOU!!!” Nidhogg roared.

“Oh no.” 

“I am going to devour you whole!” He lunged forward at Ratatoskr, his mouth wide open, rows of knife-like teeth bared.

Ratatoskr squealed in terror and thrust out the magic ring in front of him.

The ring got caught in between Nidhogg’s jaws, stopping him from closing them around Ratatoskr. This gave Ratatoskr just enough time to scamper away.

“Get back here,” Nidhogg roared, taking a deep breath and shooting a blast of fire.

Ratatoskr yelped and narrowly avoided getting incinerated. But the end of his tail was caught alight.

Ratatoskr grabbed his tail and blew on it, desperately trying to put out the fire.

Nidhogg pounced on top of him, trapping Ratatoskr in between his claws.

“Time for a squirrel snack,” Nidhogg growled, opening his mouth.

But before Nidhogg could bite down, he was suddenly lifted off Ratatoskr by a giant red hand.

“What are you doing, Nidhogg?” a booming voice said. The voice belonged to a massive fire giant with bright red skin and pointed red horns.

“Master Surtr, I was just having a little snack,” Nidhogg said, as he was lifted up like a naughty kitten.

“There will be time for snacks later. Now there is work to be done,” Surtr said. “We need all the weapons we can get for when Ragnarök comes. Your Dragon Fire is perfect for crafting metal.”

“But…” Nidhogg complained, but Surtr was already carrying him back to the forge.

Ratatoskr, who had gone unnoticed by the fire giant, gave Nidhogg a little wave as he was carried off.

Ratatoskr did what all squirrels do when they are in danger: bolt for the nearest tree. Muspelheim had no trees, so the closest happened to be the World Tree.

Amongst its silvery branches, Ratatoskr finally rested. “That sucked,” he complained to himself. “Stupid Dragon won’t listen to reason.” Well, he hoped the eagle was more willing to listen. Where did Odin say she had gone again? 

***

Helheim, the Land of the Dead, was a cold and rather gloomy place. Giant stones that glowed with a sickly green light littered the snowy landscape, and the sky was a permanent black.

“Wow, I didn’t think it was possible, but this place sucks more than Muspelheim,” Ratatoskr said to himself as he surveyed the landscape. “Let’s get this over with.” He decided to head to the scary-looking castle in the distance. That strategy had worked last time.

Ratatoskr scampered through the dark shadows of this realm, feeling uneasy. It was like he was being watched. The fur on his back suddenly stood up on end and he looked around, spotting a pair of glowing eyes watching him from the darkness. Ratatoskr gulped nervously. The eyes moved but instead of anything too scary, it turned out to be a small snake. The snake stuck its forked tongue out at Ratatoskr then slithered away.

“Oh phew,” Ratatoskr said in relief. “I’m glad that wasn’t an undead zombie or something.”

The undead zombie that had been sneaking up behind Ratatoskr made a lunge for him.

Ratatoskr squealed in terror as he was grabbed by its bony fingers.

“Hahaha, I got you!” the undead said in triumph. His rotting body was already halfway to being a skeleton. The only thing holding it together was the remnants of rusted armour he wore over his bones. “You look tasty. Time to eat for the first time in a thousand years. Squirrel on the menu tonight.”

More undead shambled out from the shadows, drooling as they approached.

“No. I am not food, and I am not a squirrel. I am Ratatoskr.” He held up his magic ring and blasted the undead with a dozen duplicates. The undead cried out as they were pelted by golden circles. With the distraction, Ratatoskr leaped out of the undead’s hands and made a break for it. 

Just as it looked like he was going to escape the undead horde, another zombie erupted out of the snow and snatched him up in their grasp.

“NOOOOOOO!” Ratatoskr screamed, closing his eyes.

“Wow, so pretty.”

Ratatoskr opened one eye to see that the undead were no longer trying to eat him. They were admiring the rings he had blasted them with.

“You know, you spend so much time down here in the land of the dead, you forget that there are pretty things in the world,” the undead holding him said.

“Yeah, this makes me feel alive again,” one of the others echoed picking up more of the rings.

“Do you think you could make more rings for us?” the undead said sheepishly.

Ratatoskr shrugged. 

After leaving the undead staring at a pile of golden rings, Ratatoskr made it to the dark castle on the horizon. Once he was inside, it didn’t take him long to find who he was looking for. The eagle was in the great hall. Perched on the back of a dark throne, she was in deep conversation with somebody sitting on that very throne.

At first glance, it appeared to be a young girl with raven dark hair and pale skin. Ratatoskr thought a girl like that seemed very out of place in the land of the dead. But then the girl tilted her head to one side. Whilst one half of her face was a young girl, the other was dark with wrinkled skin and a sunken red eye. Ratatoskr couldn’t help but let out a gasp of surprise at this site.

The girl heard this and looked up.

“Ah, it appears we have a visitor,” she said. “Please don’t be scared. I know I can look a little frightening, but I’m not that bad once you get to know me.”

Ratatoskr thought that a little frightening was a massive understatement, but now they knew he was here he didn’t have much choice so he climbed down.

“Oh, it’s you,” Hræsvelgr said. 

“Hello there,” the girl said. “My name is Hela, Queen of Helheim.” She smiled, the dead side of her face showing pointed teeth.

“Umm, hello, Your Majesty. I am Ratatoskr.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Ratatoskr,” Hela said. “What brings you to my halls of the dead?”

“Well, umm, I wanted to talk to the Eagle.”

“Ah yes, my new best friend,” Hela said. “It can get kind of lonely here with only dead people to talk to, so I was overjoyed when she came down here.” She gave the Eagle a quick scratch on the back of her neck. Hræsvelgr rustled her feathers in pleasure.

“Mmmh yes, Queen Hela appreciates my wisdom and stories,” Hræsvelgr said. “Unlike the disrespectful Dragon.”

“Ah well, you see, the thing about that is, the Dragon isn’t as bad as you think, because he wasn’t actually the one insulting you,” Ratatoskr said sheepishly. “There might have been some misunderstandings, things, ah, lost in translation between you and him.”

Hræsvelgr glowered at him. “Ah ha. It was you, wasn’t it? I should have known.”

“Yeah, I’m very sorry that it was just a little joke,” Ratatoskr said. “So now you got all that sorted, will you come back to the World Tree?”

The Eagle tilted her beak to one side, considering the question. “Mmmmh, I think not. I like it better down here.”

“Awwww, come on. You have to come back,” Ratatoskr begged, placing his little paws together.

“No,” the Eagle said ruffling her feathers.

“Yay, my new friend is gonna stay with me forever,” Hela said excitedly. Then an idea popped into her head, and she smiled. “You should stay here with us too.”

“WHAT?” said Ratatoskr.

“WHAT?” said Hræsvelgr.

“Yes. That prank you played on Hræsvelgr sounds very funny. I can make you my court jester,” Hela said excitedly. “I can give you the little hat with the bells on it. You will look so cute.”

“Ummmm, well, that’s very generous of you, Your Majesty, but I’m afraid I’ve got an important appointment I can’t miss, so I’m gonna have to decline,” Ratatoskr said slowly, backing up towards the door.

Hela flicked her fingers, and the door closed by itself.

“I am the Queen of Hel.” The dead side of Hela’s face slowly began to grow, covering over the pale skin until her entire face was pitch black, with two glowing red eyes. “That means I get what I want.” The whole castle began to shake as a dark wind blew outwards from Hela. Ratatoskr needed no other indication that he should leave and made a break for one of the open windows.

“Oh no, please try to calm down,” Hræsvelgr said flapping her wings, but Hela wasn’t listening. The dark queen snapped her fingers, and a giant skeleton materialised out of the shadows.

Ratatoskr made a leap for the window, but a bony hand swooped in and snatched him right out of the air.

“GOT YOU!” the skeleton said.

“Yay, bring my jester over to me,” Hela said, suddenly cheerful again. The dead skin on her face retreated, so it was fifty-fifty again. 

The giant skeleton brought the captive Ratatoskr over to her with the squirming squirrel’s head poking out from in between its fingers.

The Queen of Hel then proceeded to pet the squirrel, smiling widely.

“Well, that could have been much worse,” the Eagle said, landing back on the throne. “Last time she got angry she crushed several mountains.”

“This is very humiliating,” Ratatoskr grumbled as he received yet more head pets from Hela.

“Mistress, there is something I want to ask,” the giant skeleton said.

“Speak,” Hela said, not stopping her petting of the grumpy squirrel.

“Well, I was just wondering when I get paid?” the skeleton asked.

“Paid? You’re my undead servant. You don’t get paid,” Hela said. “And even if I wanted to, what would I pay you with? There is no treasure down here. You left all that behind when you died.”

“Yes, but some of the undead outside have got these nice new rings, and they’ve started trading them with each other for goods and services, so I was just thinking maybe I should get paid for my work.”

“Wow, they move fast,” Ratatoskr muttered to himself.

“What? That’s silly. You’re dead. You don’t need goods and services. You don’t need to get paid,” Hela said.

“Well, don’t be too hasty, Your Majesty,” Hræsvelgr said. “Switching towards a capitalist society could be just what Helheim needs to move forward. A free-market system based on a viable currency would up productivity by at least seventy-five percent.”

Hela stared at the Eagle, not understanding a word she had just said. “But I don’t want Helheim to change. I like it just the way it is.”

“I just feel like I should be paid for my service to you, Your Majesty,” the skeleton said.

“Where did these rings even come from in the first place?” Hela complained. “And stop using all those big words,” she snapped at the Eagle.

Whilst they were having this discussion, the giant skeleton had loosened its grip on Ratatoskr, who managed to squeeze out.

As quietly as he could, he sneaked away as the Eagle continued to explain the benefits of capitalism to the Queen of Hel. Who knew the Eagle’s boring lectures would actually come in handy one day?

Ratatoskr made it almost the whole way back to the World Tree before his absence was noticed.

He heard a scream of anger from Hela, which made the whole realm shake, and he wondered if her dead side had taken control again. He didn’t stick around to find out though and made a break for the World Tree escaping the land of the dead.

***

Well, that was it. It was over. Ratatoskr had failed to get either the Dragon or the Eagle back to the World Tree. Odin would not be very happy with him and would surely let Thor squish him with his hammer. He had failed in his quest. 

It was all over. Ratatoskr really didn’t want to be a squirrel pancake. He spent a good half an hour lying on the lower branches of the World Tree, feeling sorry for himself. But then an idea popped into his head: Thor couldn’t squish him if he didn’t know where he was. That was it. Ratatoskr would just have to hide, probably in one of the other realms, which unfortunately meant leaving the World Tree for good.

“Well, my old friend. I guess this is goodbye,” Ratatoskr said tearfully, placing one paw on the silver trunk. “I’m gonna miss you.” The World Tree didn’t respond, but Ratatoskr knew the feeling was mutual.

Midgard seemed like a good place to hide, as they had squirrels there. Whilst Ratatoskr was definitely not a squirrel – he was Ratatoskr – he did grudgingly admit he did look a bit like them, if you squint, so maybe he could blend in. Midgard also had those funny-looking humans. He decided to avoid them.

Luckily for Ratatoskr, the humans were far too busy wasting time reading stories to bother him.

***

In one of the forests of Midgard, Ratatoskr climbed to the top of a tree. “Already at the top? This tree is tiny compared to the World Tree,” he complained. He plucked a berry from a branch and popped it into his mouth. “BLLLLLAAAA, this tastes horrible,” he said, spitting it out. “Man, Midgard really sucks,” he complained to himself. “How am I supposed to hide out here if I can’t even have decent food?” He would have stayed at the top of the tree sulking all day if it wasn’t for the appearance of someone else.

“Sssso you want ssomething to eat do you?”

“AAAHHH!” Ratatoskr jumped in surprise. 

“Ssssorry. Didn’t mean to sssurprise you.”

Ratatoskr whirled around looking for the source of the voice before spotting a small green snake coiled around a branch on the other side of the trunk. “Mmmh, hello?”

“Greetingsss,” the Snake said in a hissy voice. “You’re new to Midgard, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, I am,” Ratatoskr said. “And honestly, so far, I’m not very impressed. The food kind of sucks here.”

“Iss that sso?” the Snake said, his forked tongue sticking out. “Well, that’s just because you don’t know where to look for the good food. I’ll sssshow you, if you want?”

Ratatoskr looked at the small snake. “You look familiar, have I seen you somewhere before?”

“I don’t think sssso.” 

Ratatoskr was sure he’d seen the Snake before, but his train of thought was interrupted by his stomach grumbling. “Ugg, so hungry. Can you show me where to get the good food?”

“Of courssse, follow me,” said the Snake, then started to slither down the trunk.

Ratatoskr chased him down the tree and then through the forest. The Snake slithered through the undergrowth as he followed.

“Hey! Now I remember. I saw you in Helheim, didn’t I?” Ratatoskr said. Remembering the snake he had spotted there.

“Ummm no, not me,” the Snake said. “Maybe it was my cousin or sssomething.”

“I don’t know. Looked a lot like you,” 

“Ummm, hey look. We are here,” the Snake said, stopping at the edge of a giant cave.

The cave was massive and had pointed rocks sticking down from the top just over the entrance.

Ratatoskr poked his head into the cave and wrinkled his little nose. “It smells really bad in here. Are you sure there’s good food in here?”

“Yeah, really good food, but you need to go to the back.” 

Ratatoskr didn’t particularly want to go into the weird slimy cave, but his stomach complained with another growl so, hoping the food was worth it, he scampered inside.

“The ground feels weird. It’s all soft and slimy,” he said.

“Just keep going a little further,” the Snake called encouragement from the entrance.

“Ok…” Ratatoskr said. “Are you coming in to?”

“No, I don’t think I will,” the Snake said. Then he did something very un-snakelike. He stood up on the tip of his tail, like an upright pole.

“What the?” Ratatoskr said, shocked.

“HAHAHAHAHAHA, I fooled you,” the Snake said, then transformed in to a man with a pointed beard and green robes. He had two small horns sticking out the top of his head and an evil glint in his eye. “How stupid can you be?” Loki said.

“WHAT!!” 

“All anyone can talk about in Asgard is all that mischief that squirrel caused on the World Tree. But I am the God of Mischief! Nobody outdoes me in causing trouble,”  Loki said. “So, I thought I’d just get rid of you, and this also denies my brother Thor the satisfaction of smashing you with his big hammer. So it’s a win win.”

“I wasn’t trying to do mischief. It was an accident. I’m getting out of here,” Ratatoskr said turning around and running for the exit to the cave.

“Hahaha, that’s what you think,” Loki laughed. “Wakey, wakey Jörmungandr my boy. It’s snack time.”

The cave began to rumble, and the opening started to close. Ratatoskr suddenly realised it wasn’t a cave he was in at all. It was a giant creature’s mouth.

“So long,” Loki laughed, giving Ratatoskr a little wave just as the mouth closed.

“Nooooo!” Ratatoskr shouted as he was trapped. The soft surface he was standing on suddenly began to rise. It must be the creature’s tongue. Ratatoskr squealed as he fell backwards down its throat. Quickly, he grabbed the magic ring from his head and hurriedly linked a couple copies together to make a chain. He tossed his improvised chain upwards and managed to hook it on one of the creature’s back teeth just before he disappeared down its throat.

Ratatoskr hung there in the darkness from his improvised chain. He knew if he had fallen, he would have landed in the creature’s stomach and would be digested, which didn’t sound like a very nice time. But if he tried to climb back up, he would get crushed by the creature’s tongue or chewed by its teeth.

“Raaaaa! Stupid Loki,” he shouted angrily. “This is so unfair. I didn’t even mean to cause mischief. I was just having some fun. This is all that Eagle and the Dragon’s fault. They take things way too seriously, and it’s also Thor and Odin’s fault for sending me on this quest in the first place. And Surtur and Hela’s fault too, and, and…” Running out of other people to blame, Ratatoskr came to a realisation.

“Aww, who am I kidding? It’s all my fault. I was the one who started it all. I should have never played that trick on the Dragon and Eagle. And I should have taken responsibility for my actions instead of being forced into it by Odin. Did I even apologise properly? It’s too late now. Anyway, I’m gonna die in here. It’s all over for Ratatoskr… What is that noise?” Ratatoskr stopped despairing and looked around for the source of the voice. “Who said that?”

“ME.” 

The voice seemed to be coming from everywhere all at once.

“Who is me?” Ratatoskr asked.

“I am the World Serpent,” the voice said.

“Ooooh, you’re the one who’s trying to eat me,” Ratatoskr said.

“No, why would I want to eat you?” the giant serpent rumbled. “You’re so small compared to me. You wouldn’t even do as a snack. How did you even get in my throat in the first place?”

“Loki tricked me.”

“Ah, him again. He is always getting me to swallow things he wants to get rid of, and it’s never a good meal. Always too small to satisfy me.”

“So, what is a good meal for you then?” Ratatoskr asked.

“I used to eat human ships, and they were delicious, but I’ve grown so big now even they don’t fill my stomach,” the serpent growled. “Seems like nothing in Midgard can nowadays.”

“Man, that sounds terrible,” Ratatoskr said. “I know I hate it when I’m hungry, though I don’t usually have to worry about that because the World Tree always has plenty of food.” Then an idea popped into his little squirrel head. 

“Hey, Mr World Serpent, I’ve got an idea that might help us both out.”

“What is it?”

“I’ll tell you, but you’ve got to let me out your throat first.”

***

“Where is that squirrel anyway,” Thor said as he swung around his hammer. “It’s squirrel pancake time.” 

“I’m sure he’ll be along in a minute,” Odin said. “And if not, I’ll send my ravens out to find him,” he added under his breath.

“Oh, something tells me he is not gonna turn up,” Loki giggled.

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” Thor asked.

“Nothing, nothing,” Loki snickered.

But before Thor or Odin could say anything else, the whole World Tree began to shake. Multicoloured leaves fell off the branches as the shaking got worse and worse.

“What in the nine realms is happening?” Thor said, trying to keep his balance.

“Something very big is coming up the World Tree,” Odin said, as he clung on to his staff.

He was right, as usual.

A giant scaly body suddenly erupted past the watching gods.  Finally, the shaking stopped as the World Serpent stopped moving.

“Jörmungandr!” Thor shouted in surprise. “Are you here to challenge me? Is it Ragnarok already?”

“No, Thunder God. I am not here to fight you today, this is my new home,” the World Serpent said.

“WHAT!” Thor, Odin and Loki all said at once.

“Yes, it was recommended to me,” the Serpent said.

“Recommended by me,” Ratatoskr said proudly as he stood on top of the serpent’s head, his little arms folded and his head held high.

“It’s the squirrel,” Thor shouted, pointing. “Get down here squirrel. It’s smashy smashy time.” 

“Nope, it’s not, because I have succeeded in my task,” he said, puffing out his furry chest proudly.

“How so? I do not see Nidhogg nor Hræsvelgr,” Odin said.

“Yeah, well that’s because the Serpent here can fill in both their jobs,” Ratatoskr explained. “He is so long that his head can eat the leaves of the top of the tree whilst his tail can break the roots at the bottom, and plus he is finally able to get a decent meal.”

The World Serpent took a large bite of one of the branches and chewed on the leaves. “Mmmmmh. You were right, little one. This is delicious.”

“Told you,” Ratatoskr said. “Also, the Dragon and the Eagle are pretty happy in their new realms, so this means everybody wins, well except you guys, I guess.”

The Gods looked up at him, their mouths hanging open.

Then Odin let out a laugh. “Hahahahahha. I am so old that I am rarely surprised any more, but I have to admit I did not expect this. Well played, Ratatoskr.”

“Thanks.” 

“Hahha. Well come on boys, time to head back to Asgard.”

“So I don’t get to flatten him?” Thor asked.

“I’m afraid not, my son. Better luck next time.” 

“Awwww.” Thor hung his head and trudged off.

“You win this time, squirrel,” Loki said bitterly.

“I’m not gonna cause any more mischief. I learned my lesson, so your reputation is fine,” Ratatoskr said.

“Hmph, you better not,” Loki said before slinking off after Odin and Thor.

Ratatoskr sighed in relief as he sat lazily in one of the branches of the World Tree. “I guess that adventure had its thrilling parts, but I’m just glad to be back home,” he said popping another nut into his mouth. “You settling in all right Serpent?”

“Yes, it’s very nice here,” the World Serpent said.

“Yes, the World Tree is great,” Ratatoskr said, leaning back.

“Thank you again for taking me here, little squirrel.” 

“You’re more than welcome,” Ratatoskr said, his eyes closed. “But my name is not squirrel. I am Ratatoskr.” 

The End

[Noah Ross writes: Hi I am Noah. I’m a 27 years old drama assistant and animator on youtube, who lives in the UK. I have always liked the old myths and the spin modern writers put on them and that is what I wanted to do with this story.  I have severe dyslexia, which makes reading and especially writing hard. I’ve used voice recognition software to write this short story, because I believe that the inability to spell shouldn’t get in the way of telling stories.]